In light of the fact the Weld County
Commissioners have voted to put secession on the ballot for this fall, it is
time to consider the appropriate name for the new proposed state. I know, the
commissioners have already indicated that the new state would be named Northern
Colorado, giving location the nod, just as West Virginia was so named because
it lay west of Virginia. This copying of an eastern state that made the move in
1863 just won’t do for us westerners.
Colorado is the Spanish name for
red. Yes, Colorado used to be a red state politically. However, lately it has
turned blue or at least purple, depending on how angry and activist the
conservatives are in any given election. But naming the new state “Northern” Colorado
would send a confusing signal. It might imply the new state would align itself
with the “North” but clearly, given the political bent of the Weld County
Commissioners, it would more than likely align itself with the Deep South.
The term “Colorado” also has
problems because a second meaning of the term in Spanish means “colored ”or
“colorful.” Once again, the new state would not want to suggest it was open for
business to folks of color because that is exactly what the Weld County
Commissioners want to limit. As I look around at the racial composition of the
commissioners in Weld County, I don’t see anything but white folks.
Let’s face it: what the
commissioners really want is a place where white folks get to decide what’s
what without worrying about what people of color think or want. Therefore, in
keeping with the Spanish heritage of the current state’s name, the new 51st
state should be called MUY BLANCO.
But why stop there. Why not become a
new country? That way, the Weld County folks won’t have to deal with Obamacare,
global warming, and those lousy wind turbines and solar collectors. Weld County
can become a lily white island of gas and oil wells in a mongrel sea of change.
Wait. We already have such a state:
Wyoming.
