There is Nothing Like a Gun

 As sung by the OK Chorale

We’ve got horseshit on our boots;

We’ve got cow shit on our knees;

We’ve got aliens and non-whites we can pick right off with ease;

We’ve got pick-ups and our gun racks, ammunition by the tons;

What ain’t we got?

We ain’t got guns!

We get cartridges from Walmart;

We get booze and we get beer;

We get NRA postings and we’re furious with fear; 

We get emails from congressmen requesting lots of dough;

What ain’t we got?

 A good gun show.

We’ve got nothing to load and cock more

What we need there ain’t no substitute for.

There is nothing like a gun

Nothing in the world

There is nil beneath the sun

That is anything like a gun! 

We feel restless; we feel blue;

We feel lonely and in brief;

We feel every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief;

We feel our finger twitching as if we were Eastwood;

What don’t we feel?

We don’t feel good.

Lots of things in life are beautiful, but brother:

There is one particular thing

That is in no way, shape, or form

Like any other.

There is nothing like a gun,

Nothing in the world;

There is nil beneath the sun,

That is anything like a gun!

There are no thrills like a gun;

And nothing kills like a gun;

And nothing maims like a gun

Or makes remains like a gun;

There ain’t a thing that’s wrong with any man’s son

That can’t be cured by giving him one:

A semi-auto, high caliber, multi-clip, beautiful gun!