Dick Cheney: Go to Guy By

With all the head-scratching BP executives and the federal government have been doing about the Gulf Oil Disaster (G.O.D.), I wonder why no one has called for the former ace oil executive/clandestine way paver Dick Cheney. No one combines the skills of back room deal-making and oil drilling expertise better than the former CEO of Halliburton and ex-VP of the United States. Even if he has not been called to duty, it is surprising he hasn’t contributed his expertise by joining Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, with practical solutions to this blip on the screen of an otherwise error-proof and risk-free industry. Dick and Bobby could be a great team, bad-mouthing the way too cautious deliberations of the White House while they roll up their sleeves in front of the TV cameras and get to work saving the Louisiana coastline.
Dick Cheney, even when he is after small game, can bag a big game trophy with his fire-ready-aim approach. He has shown that skill while quail-hunting. As VP of the United States of Halliburton, he was able to acquire for his former company a no bid contract for a substantial part of the non-military support needs in the Iraq War. If he can do that, he surely can plug a little leak in the Gulf. After all, it is only a small hole in the floor, and with all that oil going to waste, which nobody seems to be focused on, something ought to be done and done now.
Therefore, I nominate Dick Cheney to be head of a federally appointed task force to solve the G.O.D. damn problem. Why, he probably would come up with a solution that would not only plug the hole, but take care of reducing another expensive and deteriorating inventory, namely nuclear stockpiles and waste. Instead of spending all that money on dismantling nuclear missiles and burying atomic waste under Yucca Mountain, why not plug the damn hole with some really heavy stuff, not just so-called “mud” that has nothing more than some classified chemicals in its composition. Send a nuclear missile or two down that hole or pump some really heavy mud down in there with some real density to it and then sneer at those hapless environmentalists who have the TV networks all worked up about a few pelicans. Hell, you can’t even eat pelican!
I just can’t understand why we haven’t heard anything on this one from Dick Cheney. He has thrown in his two cents on a number of other issues since he left office. Why would he hold back now when the issue is one he should know more about than say how Obama is soft on terrorism. Maybe he’s off hunting somewhere. Or maybe he’s lying low because of some deals he hatched back in 2001 with the oil and gas industry that enabled a reckless oil drilling culture to develop that led inevitably to the G.O.D.