Illumination

Freedom fighters unite! The damn government is trying to force us to use CFL light bulbs instead of incandescent ones. It’s an outrage. I said outrage, not outage. It’s just another example of creeping socialism that is taking over the country. First it was death panels, now its light panels. Every time the government thinks, an oxymoron if there ever was one, it comes up with yet another regulation to stifle freedom. Now it’s the requirement to use CFL lights because they supposedly save energy. What a crock.
Just because CFLs last ten times longer and use one fifth the energy an incandescent does doesn’t mean they are more efficient. It means they are weak, pusillanimous, pussy-footing sources of light compared to the light bulb our own Thomas Edison invented. If God had wanted a CFL light bulb, he would have made Edison make one in the first place.
I don’t care if a coal plant has to work harder and give off more mercury to light an incandescent. Taking off the top of a mountain to feed a coal plant to light a man’s light bulb and throw off a little mercury in the process just helps the economy, creates jobs, keeps other professionals busy such as doctors who take care of the workers with black lung and such, and the whole economy keeps humming right along just fine. Mountain topping also levels the playing field, which you liberals are always yakking about.
Let’s be reasonable. The CFL has mercury as well, but it can’t compete with the coal plant that puts out 4.65 times more mercury per incandescent equivalent than is contained in that wimpy CFL. Hell, there isn’t enough mercury in a CFL to kill a cat let alone a human being. The CFL just does not have the stuff an incandescent does. If you want a powerful bulb, you go with an incandescent.
Besides, back in the day when men were men and men could swear generously, one of the best of them was Mark Twain. One time he took after an editor and laid into him something fierce. He called him a “quadrilateral, astronomical, incandescent son-of-a-bitch.” Now, did he use the word florescent? Hell no. He picked out the hottest words he could muster and one of them was incandescent.
I rest my case.